thoughts by meadow soleil “jay” cloud

I manage other artists with the click of a button. I help find gigs for my friends, I form events for them and I sit in solitude in the background- grateful for the experience of bringing folks together. However, it is during these cycles I found myself wanting to be a part of the experience and bring forward my perspective and experience in holding space for people. I want to start managing (?) myself. Managing.. I use this term loosely because I am not tied to the structures of capitalism that tangle me in art for money.  I realized I need others to fund my work.

I think the way I want to approach my art-making career is by harvesting multiple projects. Create a schedule- you (cloud) know best what makes you feel like you can create and explore. Stop coming at it from a place of instant productivity and success. Things take time,, so gift yourself that. Let’s try something - make a cute little spread sheet,, take your time to decorate it with colors and stickers. Give yourself an hour to do this, physically I think would be better than digital. Make different categories: textile work, clothing design, makeup goals, performance needs and music. Then make another category with dates and times of the day (start with morning, evening and night). After you are done decorating and admiring the spreadsheet, fill it in! Don’t use it as a mind dump space as you usually do, take your time. 

What do you really want to make right now? How do you want to make it? How do you want to share it (if you want to, find balance between the two)? What space does this work live in: can you make that a reality? What stories do you want to tell? What do you wonder? What do you wish for? Dance between questions while you build and inquire about the work you want to be mindful of. 

Now we are getting close, is this how you manage? Sort of. I feel like I know where I need support: I don’t understand what to do after I do the work! I want to be able to talk to publications and work with designers to share my work. I want to start the work of building networks with performance spaces and artistic directors. I need to build confidence to do these things. I am 20 years old, I have time. Don’t fall too deep in the sand of becoming. Allow yourself to explore first. I know that I am barely sprouting. I just started to feel like I found my style, my way into creating work that actually shows my perspective of life. Find the joy in that and carry it into your conversations about your work - - you know it best.